Archive for Life
3 February, 2009 at 9:01 PM · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: Future, Life, Photography, Self-Improvement
And I need it bad.
I started thinking the other day about how long it’d been since I developed any photos. Beginning of January, it seems. Sure, I thought I’d put film on the backburner for a while and break out the digital again, but my Sony has seen even less action 
. I jokingly set my Facebook status the other day begging people to let me use them so I could take more portraits, and I suprisingly got a few hits. In actuality, I’d like to focus on all my friends and family so I could have one good picture of each person I care about, no matter how little I see them or how close we are. I’d love to have a series to hang in my new apartment in the fall along with the movie posters I seem to have purchased. I’m going to start with the more willing (Apryle, Nikki, probably Krista, maybe Mary) who aren’t too camera shy and see if I can take it anywhere. *crosses fingers* 
Speaking of, I need to find a place to live… and by that I mean I need to finish my essays for GW and see if I’ll even still be in the state come August. I’m pretty possitive I’ll apply and (IF I get accepted) defer my acceptance until what is officially my “junior” year. I can’t stomach the idea of going from living on my own to living in a dorm in a city I’m still not 100% used to. It will be a giant change either way, but being forced to sleep each night in the same room as people I do not know will make it no less awkward.
It seems my apartment choices are left up to Eagle Villa Suites (smelled like eggs) or the Varsity (I’ve heard horror stories) because those are the only affordable one bedrooms. I’d lose my mind in a studio and have too much furniture. Without a job I have not even a chance at affording a 2 bedroom by myself. I could try to find a room mate that I know that I’m not as close to as I am Nikki and Apryle… someone I could easily get along with but who I don’t already spend so much time with that I feel our present relationship would be compromised. Still, easier said than done.
I need to find something to cling to right now; have you ever been in a situation where everything was looking so mediocre that you find something, anything… the most inane thing, actually… to clutch really tight to your chest for dear life? Well either way, I do that all the time, and I realized all to quickly that each of those things were crap. They don’t have value or substance and don’t deserve all of my brainpower.
Right now I’m swiftly focusing on getting as healthy as I possibly can. I figure that’s probably the best possible “vice” to have, if it could be called such. Alana has found a surefire way to keep me from over exercising, so I know I wont turn into a creepy obsessed lady. Still, I have an empty feeling that I know is the result of so much loss lately, in every sense of the word. When I feel so down like this, though, I’ve come to identify this feeling as one not of emptiness, but rather a sign that a well of good energy is brewing inside me, waiting to be tapped. I certainly hope this is the case and I wont be eating my words in a few months.
23 January, 2009 at 12:05 AM · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: History, Life, Music
I had a good day today; aced an astronomy quiz I never read for and got out of every class early. But after outings about town, I come home and want to stare at the blog. I find my mind wandering more and more lately, as though it has nothing to actually focus on. Which is fine, I like my imagination. But when day dreams are the only thing that cheer me up and I start humming songs that I don’t remember knowing, it gets slightly creepy.
On a happy note, I love historical humor. The guest on The Colbert Report just said that “nullification” was a sexy word and that Andrew Jackson would have loved Youtube. My brain is now wandering again, but back to the point–my opinion of this semester so far is decidedly hazy. Classes seem breezy and I have little breaks between some classes, so it’s much less stressful. I just think that feeling of not being particularly happy is much more haunting than a legitimate feeling of depression. At least one way or the other I’d be able to grab an absolute. I know that “only a sith deals in absolutes,” so I guess I’ll keep myself open for new things.
I feel like I’m trying to fill a void when I can’t even pinpoint why there’s a void present. I find myself liking things that I don’t have and missing friends that aren’t even mine. Time to keep floating along, singing something new each day I suppose.
If you think about it, take a listen to:
Fake Palindromes by Andrew Bird
and she says, “I like long walks and sci-fi movies if you’re six foot tall and east coast bred…”
17 January, 2009 at 4:07 AM · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: Friends, Insomnia, Inspirational, Life
For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived by the theory that a life not questioned is a life not worth living. I can quote Socrates all day in relation to that doctrine, and I feel its the only policy that I’ve incorporated into my life consistently ever since I began to think of myself as an adult. Times like tonight (er… technically last night, as it’s currently three fifty two AM on the morning of the seventeenth) remind me of those sentiments so swiftly that I feel the urge to vomit.
I had such a good day, only to have it side railed soon after I got home. I don’t know where to go after an argument, if it can be called such. How many times can you really have an exchange consisting of “I love you, I’m sorry.” followed by “I know you are and I love you too, but you can’t fix it.” before it just becomes a reflex and all other conversation becomes forced? One of the most painful feelings is that one that alerts you that any given relationship can have an expiration date, while simultaneously giving you limited ammo against pushing said date off.
So why is it then that I find myself only questioning the things that seem to be going well? If something less than favorable gets handed to me, I too often get that complacent “eh. It’s just as well…” feeling, as though I deserve the short end of the stick. Yet, if I were to say… win a lottery, I would assume it’s like that stupid “FREE CRUISE!!” gimmick that they pull on everyone by the entrances to the Video Warehouses in town. It’s either an immediate “What’s the catch?” or “This wont last long.” That said, I refuse to accept this recent bit of potentially foreshadowed dread. Nay; I’ll let it ride and I will prove that I deserve to be happy in whatever scenario I inevitable choose.
I feel as though I need to be equally uniform in both my doubt and my glee, or I might not be getting my just desserts. It’s hard not to settle when you feel you’ve reached a consistent place, but there is so much more opportunity yet to arise. I’m adopting an air of optimism for the next week. It’s time to see how much thoughts can change my actions and moods.
It’s time for me to attempt to kick pessimism in the sprouts, as too much can be wasted.
Example: If there is a doughnut in front of me, I’m going to spend less time noting how sad it is that said pastry is left with a hole. It’s time to be willing to look at it instead of through it and say, “Hey, free doughnut!” and see where it goes from there.
Okay. Time for me to look for more one-bedroom apartments now… both in Statesboro and also in places I hope to someday find myself.
P.S. If you, person who (for whatever reason) is reading this because no one really knows I post, would like to be entertained, I suggest the following: Star Wars ReTold By Someone Who Hasn’t Seen It. Sure, it might not be as funny as the one told by the three year old, but “Hans Solo” is enough to make anyone laugh.
I bid you adieu and hope only happy feelings come later.
23 October, 2008 at 7:18 AM · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: Insomnia, Life
As my shiny new (yet consistently abhorred) “About Me” section explains, this will be a tentative experiment. I quote, “I recently got inspired; I’ve had a Livejournal for years, and it has consistently been just that: a journal. Oftentimes private, nonsensical, and embarrassing to relive. I also have and enjoy a Photoblog, but they don’t seem fond of words over there. But words and I have always gotten along, you see, if they’re the ones I mean to use. So this is my attempt at a highly refined “blog.””
Picking the host site was hard; I immediately thought, “Blogspot? Blogger? Blogtown…ville? No.” I instead did an uber educated move, and by that I mean I Googled “free blog hosting sites” and found a list. WordPress, eh? I wanted to find a place that would support my new and improved username that I finally selected without forcing me to add my zip code or birth year to the end of it. Also, the WP logo looked pretty solid. I’m all for a nice, big, circled capital “W” that did not at all tempt me to say “Dubyah.” What truly made the deal was definitely the HUGE text feilds I got to type in after I clicked the “Sign Up” button. They were a sight for tired, sore eyes. I’ll keep you posted on my opinion of the new home.
I’m not expecting people to read, per se, I just want to have a more open outlet for once. Maybe it will lead somewhere, and I figure it’s worth the shot. As he currently airing infomercial reminds me, not everyone gets where they want to be when they try. I mean, I doubt this perfectly nice looking, oxford-wearing lady woke up, rolled out of bed directly into her parallel and perfectly placed bed shoes while declaring to her insanely svelte and well groomed golden retriever, “This is the day, Milo. Today I start my career as the default, attractive figurehead representing the sales division of the ORECK XL Platinum Upright and Handheld Vacuum®! My dream has come TRUE!”
C’mon. Did she really grow up wanting to be that person? Or, more importantly, how will she live with herself if it ends up being the incorrect path? Will she end up feeling unfulfilled? Maybe she went to school and got a degree in Journalism, wanting to legitimately make a difference. Maybe she pulled the stereotypical “move to L.A. to be a serious actress” and instead of getting a big break (or working as a waitress while pretending to seek said big break), she thought maybe being an Oreck lady was better than some alternatives.
I find myself scoffing at her, while simultaneously acknowledging that all of us, at some point, wanted to achieve something great and instead did nothing. As we are touching close to home, I now bring you a one act play tentatively titled Complacency: Life at Georgia Southern University.
Character eerily resembling my room mate: Hey! What’re you up to this weekend?
Character eerily resembling me: NOTHING. I’m thinking this: Me. You. Some Bacon. A Law and Order Marathon. It is going to be EPIC.
CERMRM: Eh, maybe. I have to like have lunch with my parents or church or something that I will probably hate but should do anyway.
CERM: Oh… okay. Yeah. Do that. Hey man, free food, right?!
I think I have had that exact conversation. But no, anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. We need to go back to Milo. You see, Milo is holding all this opportunity right in his paws with that poor, sad, Oreck Lady. In reality, he probably turned his head in that cute confused dog way as if to say, “It’s whatever, Oreck Lady. Just make sure to pour some of that good stuff in my food bowl before you leave. Oh, and make sure to wear the pink oxford. It really brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.” What he could do, however… oh, what could he do? The possibilities are endless.
In my mind, he argues with her, or barks as the case may be. He tells her that she has so much more opportunity if she would ban any and all thoughts of settling. She defends her decision, exclaiming “If I don’t represent the ORECK XL Platinum Upright and Handheld Vacuum®, by God, maybe no one will! I’m their only hope!” Ideally, Milo rolls his eyes and says, “No… there is another.”
Everyone needs to seek out their unrealistic Milo, figuratively speaking. Look for a being that will happily sucker punch you across the face with a rawhide bone and tell you to “reach for the stars” or “follow your heart” or something equally as Hallmark. It’s worth a shot. Hell, even if you fail, you’ll still be the Oreck Lady.
So, anyway. I hope this blog makes me feel at least how the Oreck Lady feels, if not better. I’ve got some things to talk about, and maybe it’ll listen.
The infomercial is over, which implies both that it is 3 a.m. and that my lengthy diatribe about Oreck should be over before I start bashing the woman who is trying to sell me the Shapely Secrets video.
